The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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