I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
