Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
