what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize