Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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