I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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