Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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