I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
