Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
