bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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