i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
