After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
