New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
