Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
