That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
