It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
