been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize