If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
