I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
