My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
