Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
