her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
