remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
