My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
