Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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