somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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