Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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