i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
