I cannot find my penis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
3pm strippers are depressing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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