new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
