I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
