It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
