you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize