Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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