ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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