I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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