Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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