Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
