i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
