Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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