fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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