I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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