i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
