Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
