Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
