weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
