Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
