Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
