I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
