you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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