Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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