I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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