Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
