the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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