So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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