i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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