Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
