I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
