highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
