Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
