I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
