Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize