So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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