I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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