I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
pop tarts are not kleenex
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
