My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
