If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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