I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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