Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
