Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize