The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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