No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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