Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
