You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
