I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize