I cockslap morals
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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