hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The best revenge is premature balding
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
