I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize