I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
