Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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