I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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