Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
