I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
