paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
