Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize