do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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