I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
