Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
