I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
