I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
