i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
