Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
