I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
